This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
