i think my mom watched the whole time
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
