Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
