Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
