I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
