we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
