I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
