when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize