Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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