i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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