STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
