...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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