Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
