don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize