i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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