im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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