need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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