I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
