**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Randomize
