Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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