i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
