Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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