I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
