she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
