I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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