i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
