I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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