I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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