I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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