trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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