Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize