i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
