We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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