Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
