Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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