We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
