the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
