i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
