i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
