once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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