ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
