If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
