Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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