Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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