you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
