butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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