My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
