Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
