guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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