I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
