I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize