That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
