It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
