so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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