The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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