She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
