Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
