So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
