i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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