On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
