i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What a dumb baby whore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
