i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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