I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
