Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
