did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
