Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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